My Turn By: Kelly

A Greater Story

My husband and I used to say that we had the “best story” of any of our friends. We really had the best “meeting cute” story. It was almost like a little competition. We would ask another couple where they met and inevitably it would be something cliché and lame like at a bar. Gross. So then they would ask how we met. And we would regale them with the storybook-like fairy tale of our relationship. It was a great story. Too bad, I decided I need a greater one.

I knew when I married him on stage at the theatre where we met when we were kids that I wasn’t in love with him. I went through all the motions, my vows were flawless, and I did mean them. He does have the “best heart” of anyone I know. It’s just not meant for me. It should go to someone who can truly love and take care of his heart. I can’t. But I didn’t think it mattered. When we finally took our 11 years of friendship and turned it into a serious relationship, I thought “why not fall in love with my best friend?” How fun is that, right? It happens to people all the time, right? They usually live happily ever after, right? All that new rush of icky romantic love fades over time with any couple, right? Right right right? Wrong. I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong. I do blame myself. I am the bad guy in this situation. I left him. I just couldn’t take it anymore. The not wanting to kiss him. The not wanting to be around him. The looking around for other people. So I thought to myself, I will stay with him five more years, until both of the kids are in school full time. Then it become three more years because by then our financial situation should have improved. Next it was two years until he finishes grad school. But in actuality I couldn’t wait anymore. It become time. I have to get out now. I just can’t breathe in this house and in this marriage anymore. Get me out NOW.

So this is how I ended my marriage…I sat on our bed at 7 am, and spilled my guts out to him. Up until that point, I had been horrible and dishonest with him. So I laid it all out for him. In very much the same way that night seven years ago that he boldly told me that he had never loved anyone but me. I told him I wasn’t in love with him. Never was. At any point. I do love him. He is my best friend, but telling him that morning how I truly felt was the only time I have ever been completely honest with him in the 18 years that he has been in my life. It was my time to show him what was in my heart, and it nearly killed me. I cried because I knew I was crushing him. I cried because it was all just too sad. For the rest of the day, I walked around in a sad haze. My face hurt, my eyes bloodshot, and my stomach aching. But it was the best day of my life.

Our girls will be fine. My husband and I will co-parent and love our girls just the same as we have been. The divorce might go down as the most amicable in the history of divorces. Seriously, people are going to be amazed at how well we all are handling this. That would be a good ending to the story. He’s letting me go, because deep down he knew he never had me to begin with. He is brave and strong. Dissolving our marriage and getting back to just being friends is fine. It’s better than fine. It’s the right thing. I guess I don’t think that love can develop over time. If you know someone and aren’t in love with them right away, how can love just develop? For me it doesn’t. I want love at first sight. I want fireworks to go off in my head when I meet that right person. I originally didn’t think I needed that kind of big wonderful, all encompassing love. But I do. I know that now. Not that I would ever ever ever want to get married again at this point. I don’t think it’s the right lifestyle choice for me. I am finding out in my thirties that life is just too short to be unhappy.

And I am happy, completely happy. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I can breathe easier now because I don’t have to pretend anymore. I don’t have to pretend that ours is a great story. I am moving on to a greater one.